Ready to Walk Away, But God ...

This testimony from a recent Summit in North Carolina tells the story of a marriage that was on the brink—and what God did next.

Last night, when Steve asked us to answer the four questions, I immediately knew the answers. Ten days ago, God found me bitter, resentful, and full of contempt for my husband and marriage. My flesh wanted to escape. I felt neglected. It seemed that my husband and I simply had a business relationship. We had stopped really talking to each other. We weren’t making our marriage a priority. We weren’t spending time together. The saddest part is that in my flesh, I did not even care. I was not happy when he was home. I didn’t want to talk to him. In fact, I would cringe at the sound of his voice sometimes. So, as you can guess, physical touch was out of the question.

At the start of the Summit, I had made up my mind not to attend. Praise God, the Holy Spirit worked on me that first Sunday morning in church and gave me an overwhelming desire to go back that night. My husband did not go the first night, and I was deeply hurt that he chose to coach a baseball game over going back to church with the kids and me. When he asked me what my plans were for that Sunday night, I told him that I was going back to church because I wanted to feel differently about him, our marriage, and myself by the end of the conference. In a way, it was my last hope.

My husband and I had been going around and around the issues of our marriage for months without really getting anywhere. I am embarrassed to say that I had even considered an affair some months ago. Gratefully, God squashed that before anything began. However, that did not resolve the problems with my marriage.

After the first night of the Summit, my husband began attending with me. We have been every single time. We have prayed together, we have reached out and asked others to pray for our marriage, and we have asked for forgiveness from God and each other for not being the husband and wife God calls us to be.

The consequences of going down the road we were headed were destroying our family. Our children, parents, brothers and sisters, friends, colleagues, and church family all would have suffered from the sins of our marriage. Coming from divorced parents, I never want my children to experience the lifelong implications of that. More importantly than what I want for them, God doesn’t want it for them either.

The blessings from repenting have been sweet freedom. My chest feels loosened. I no longer feel the tension. The bitterness, resentment, and contempt for my husband and marriage are gone. We are enjoying each other’s company once again. It is no longer a chore for me to tell my husband that I love him or to hug or kiss him. My heart has been softened, and my eyes have been opened again to see the wonderful qualities in my husband and all that we have to be thankful for in our marriage. When Steve gave us homework the first night, I couldn’t do it. I was supposed to tell my spouse that I would never, ever divorce him. I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want to say it unless I meant it. By Saturday night, I was able to finally finish that homework from Sunday night.

I can do nothing but delight in the care and commitment of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. There is absolutely no other explanation for the change in my heart and attitude than the power of the Holy Spirit. I could not make up my mind to feel differently about my husband and marriage. But in the span of a week, God took all the junk, piece by piece as I was willing to give it to Him, and replaced it with renewed love and respect for my husband and the sanctity of our marriage. This testimony is to give honor and glory to the only one who has the ability to change lives, my Jesus.

God has taught me through all of this that He is deeply committed to my marriage, and when I am willing to deal openly and honestly with my sin, not only with Him but also with other believers, my freedom arrives, and my life changes.