[This is an updated blog that I posted in 2017. Be sure to read the new ending. God surely is our HOPE!]
The decorating of the Christmas tree up on Rocky Top has always been a festive time … Christmas carols playing in the background, the smell of a freshly cut tree in the air, a crackling fire glowing in the fireplace, crab bites (a family favorite), and sparkling Welch’s.
Not so much this year. As I sat on the floor going through ornaments, I begin to quietly cry. Over half of our ornaments were given to us by people we had pastored. Satan whispered in my ear, “No more ornaments for you. That part of your life is done. You don’t even have one from your own mother. And she’s dead now.”
My husband didn’t know what was going on in my heart as we began to decorate the tree. I had chosen not to make any crab bites, and the Christmas music playing in the background almost seemed annoying.
After the tree was decorated, we stood back to admire the work, and I think I just let out a sigh. Normally we sing a Christmas carol together as John turns on the lights. Not this year.
A few days later, as we were traveling for our new ministry, I received a text from a friend who had agreed to come take care of our house and water our Christmas tree while we were traveling. The text read, “Here is how I found your tree.” It was followed by a picture of the tree turned over, stand and all, water everywhere, with pieces of broken ornaments scattered throughout the room.
My heart sank. I did not cry. Sadness just enveloped me. Two dear friends cleaned it all up and even tied the tree to the back door to keep it standing up.
Upon returning home, John and I once again decorated the tree. Determining to change my perspective and heart, I made crab bites and cookies. Maybe food would soothe my wounded, grieving heart.
The tree stood proud for one week.
After a long day of ministry and Christmas shopping, I walked into the house to once again find the eight-foot Christmas tree lying on the floor with more broken ornaments and a water-soaked tree skirt.
This Rocky Top girl would like to tell you she responded by worshiping, keeping her perspective by remembering so many people who are going through much worse things than a fallen tree. But I did not.
I sat in the middle of the mess and began to sob and yell at God.
When my husband got home, he helped me clean it up. He offered to attempt to stand it up again.
“No! Get it out of my home. Tomorrow I will buy a fake tree,” I yelled.
John carried it out and threw it over the cliff on the back of Rocky Top.
The next morning, as I sat with Jesus, so many emotions swirled in my heart and head … from anger to shame to failure.
As I opened His Word, He spoke with gentleness:
“Behold, My Servant whom I have chosen;
My Beloved in whom My soul is well-pleased;
I will put My Spirit upon Him,
And He shall proclaim justice to the Gentiles.
He will not quarrel, nor cry out;
Nor will anyone hear His voice in the streets.
A battered reed He will not break off,
And a smoldering wick He will not put out,
Until He leads justice to victory.
And in His name the Gentiles will hope.”
(Matthew 12:18-21 NASB)
Through His Word, Jesus reminded me of why He came. He came to sit with me in all my mess.
Christmas is grace in our failure.
Christmas is forgiveness to those who wound and betray us.
Christmas is strength when we are weak.
Christmas is justice instead of judgment.
Christmas is peace in chaos.
Christmas is joy in our deepest sadness.
Christmas is comfort in our grief.
Christmas is knowing He will lead when we are wandering.
Christmas is your mentor, your Timothy, and your children giving you ornaments of truth to hang around your neck instead of glass ones that will eventually break (Proverbs 1:9).
Christmas is HOPE in what we believed to be hopelessness.
We want Christmas to be filled with laughter, fun, gifts, and happiness. But sometimes, Christmas is remembering that in all the hurt, in all the pain, in all the change, in all the disappointments in life, whether big or small, Jesus came to give us Himself: HOPE!
UPDATE
About one week after I posted this blog in 2017, I received a box in the mail from one of our Life Action missionaries. It was filled with handmade ornaments. Each one had written on it a gift that Jesus brought us when He gave us Himself: Grace. Forgiveness. Strength. Love. Justice. Peace. Joy. Comfort. Knowing. HOPE.
The day I received that box of ornaments, HOPE was delivered. This dear friend reminded me that we are to be hope-givers to those around us.
My prayer this Christmas is that I will bring hope to someone else. Is there anyone you need to bring hope to this Christmas?