Is your marriage characterized by incessant fighting?

Is your marriage on the brink of death? Does it need reviving?

Three pairs of precious eyes stared at me as I stood in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by shattered glass. They had just witnessed their mom at her worst—screaming, yelling, and belittling their daddy as I threw a framed picture across the kitchen. Then the door slammed so hard that the entire house shook. My thoughts were, “Go ahead and leave. That’s what my dad did when I was sixteen.”

Honestly, I do not remember what precipitated the argument between John and me. However, I do remember the feelings of shame and hopelessness when it came to our marriage. We most likely would have filed for divorce during that time if it hadn’t meant that John would lose his job.

John was a senior pastor of a large church, and I was the pastor’s wife. We were supposed to have it all together, an exemplary couple with the perfect marriage.

That was over thirty years ago. Today, we have been married for forty-four years. John is my best friend, my lover, and my spiritual leader.

How did we go from the brink of divorce to where we are now?

1. We both admitted that we were at fault in areas of our marriage.

I quit blaming him, and he stopped blaming me. We made a choice to look in the mirror at our own reflections. John owned his faults, and I owned mine.

2. We made a conscious decision to fight for our marriage instead of fighting each other.

I grew up in a home that modeled divorce. My dad was married four times, and my mom was married three times. John, on the other hand, grew up in a home where Jesus was loved and honored. John and I made a promise to each other that we would never threaten each other with divorce again. Making this promise to each other gave me security.

3. We chose to embrace biblical marriage.

John had not embraced being the spiritual leader of our home at this point. We didn’t pray together as a couple or as a family. John began to pray over me every night. He asked God to heal my heart and to encourage me as a wife and a mom.

I began to come alongside John and encourage him by acknowledging his hard work and asking how I could help him. We both stopped competing and instead began to serve each other.

As I am writing this article, I am surrounded by pictures of my husband, children, and grandchildren in picture frames that aren’t broken. God truly revived our marriage!

Living in Revival, Vitality, and Mission

  • If you read this email and felt hopeless because you can’t imagine your husband praying over you or your family, begin to pray Ephesians 3:14-21 over your husband. Don’t tell him. Just pray!
  • Become an encourager. For the next thirty days, don’t say anything negative about your husband, to him, or to anyone else about him. Each day, tell him something you admire or appreciate about him and say it to someone else about him. Prepare to be amazed at what God does!
  • If your marriage is already revived, spend time today praying for someone who is struggling.
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