Five-year-old Steven burst through the front door, anxious to tell his mother about his morning at pre-school and to get on with an afternoon of play in the autumn sunshine. Instead, his mother quickly ushered him to his bedroom.
His young age could not insulate him from the feeling that something was terribly wrong, and he was soon hearing tragic news that would dramatically change his world: Daddy wasn’t coming home.
His father, also named Steven, had just returned from a hunting trip with his friends and fellow troopers from the Michigan State Police Force. Today was his first day back on the job. He left for work that morning with the usual charge to his son: “You are the man of the house now; take care of your mother.”
Riding alone that day, Trooper Steven DeVries was patrolling a stretch of U.S. Highway 12 when he noticed a speeding vehicle. Giving chase, he soon pulled the car and its lone occupant over to the shoulder of the road. What he didn’t know was that the driver had just robbed a bank. In a panic the man pulled a gun. He fatally shot Trooper DeVries and sped off.
“They said it happened so close to our house that if I had been playing outside, I would have heard the gunshots,” recalls the younger Steven.
While friends and family gathered to offer comfort to his mother, Steven retreated to the playroom, where he found solace on his trusty old rocking horse. “I think I rode that rocking horse all afternoon while I listened to the radio reports of my father’s death. I knew what had happened, but I refused to cry. I was the man of the house now.”
The weeks and months following this tragic event were filled with grief and anxiety. Thankfully, Steven, his mother, and his younger brother, Lance, were well cared for by their church family. According to Steven, “I’ve always felt like a very special member of the church, because people have taken a genuine interest in my life.”
In the ensuing years, Steven found camaraderie with two friends whose fathers had also died. However, even with such friendship and comfort, something else was happening to Steven—something so subtle he was hardly aware of it.
Eight years after his father’s death, Steven’s church hosted a Life Action Revival Summit. During a service, the Holy Spirit convicted him that he had allowed a root of bitterness to develop in his heart. He was angry and filled with a desire for vengeance toward the man who killed his father. And deeper questions now plagued him: How do you get rid of bitterness? Can you get rid of bitterness?
For Steven, the first step was to seek help from one of the Summit team members. During the course of several conversations, this young man helped Steven see that his bitterness was ultimately aimed at God.
As tragic and heart-wrenching as his father’s death had been, would Steven be able to embrace the hurt and allow God’s purposes in it to triumph? Perhaps an even more difficult question: Could Steven forgive the man who had killed his father?
Steven’s desire to be right with God and to be at peace finally outweighed his desire to cling to bitterness.
He prayed with the counselor, confessed his bitterness, and asked God to help him forgive the man who had taken so much from him.
Over the next few days, a change began to take place in Steven’s heart. He found that he was not only able to forgive the man, but that he actually had compassion for him. Having been arrested just days after the bank robbery and murder, this man was serving a life sentence in the state penitentiary.
With this in mind, Steven knew what he must do. It was no longer enough to feel forgiveness; he must express it too. So with a wisdom and compassion that few men obtain in a lifetime, the 13-year-old boy wrote a letter.
Steven explains his purpose for writing the letter: “I wanted him to know Jesus Christ—to experience the forgiveness that I experienced.” In part, the letter stated:
God’s ways are best so I will follow them. I hope you will too. I thank God for you even though my dad was killed, because God allowed it for a reason. I want to share what God has done in my life. When I was five years old, after church on Wednesday night, my mom came in my bedroom. My dad would have come in too, but he had just died about a month before. I asked my mom how I could be saved and she showed me from the Bible how to be saved. I want you to be saved too. This tract shows you how. Please read it!
Over the years, Steven has found that forgiveness brings great freedom. Little by little, in the years following the letter, Steven was finally able to grieve over his father’s death. He admits that having not done so earlier added to the hardness and bitterness of his heart.
His change of heart and new-found compassion ultimately helped determine his career choice. Upon graduating from college, Steven became a Youth Care Specialist at a local Family and Children’s Center. For eight hours each day, he served as a “parent” to twelve troubled boys who have no real families.
“Like me, these kids have had a major portion of their childhood taken away from them,” says Steven. “I enjoy doing anything I can to make their lives better.”
While Steven was away at college, his family was notified that the man who killed his father had escaped from prison. In his cell, the guards found a map with the county where Steven’s family lived cut out. Although the first few weeks were anxious, they never heard from him, and life settled back to normal.
Six months later, Steven received a phone call at college. The man was dead, killed in a gun battle while robbing a bank. “My reactions were mixed,” explains Steven. “I was relieved for my family that the whole thing was over, but saddened by the thought that this man was probably spending eternity in hell.”
Steven feels that four key truths have emerged from his experience:
First, when tragedy comes into your life, allow yourself to grieve. It is a God-given source of healing. Refusing to grieve can harden the heart.
Second, embrace life’s hurts. God is in them. Allow His purposes to triumph. Says Steven, “God had a plan in allowing my father to be taken. I think God allows things to happen to Christians because, if we were protected from ‘bad’ things, the world couldn’t relate to us, and we couldn’t relate to them. God allowed this to happen to draw others to Him.”
Third, forgiveness is crucial. And not only should it be felt, it usually needs to be expressed.
Finally, Steven adds this caution from his experience: “Forgiveness is a funny thing. It’s like keeping your garden weeded. The rows can be clean today, but if you come back in a few days, they’re full of weeds again. It’s a constant upkeep, because Satan would love to worm back in without your knowing it.”